im lost
but i will find my way out


List your 2008 favorite....
Pair of Shoes


hiding the truth is the same as lying
now, exactly why did you lie to me?
did you think i'd stop being friends with you?
did you care about my feelings or were you just trying to be sneaky?
did you think the truth wouldn't have come out?
either way, this whole thing is childish
no matter what decision WE make regarding this matter
i seriously
from the bottom of my heart
forgive you


is it stupid for me to sometimes wish i had the heart of an asshole? i mean, they seem to find it easy not to care about other peoples feelings. so why should i? why do i have to be the girl who tries her best  to make everyone happy, especially the people she loves the most? why does it feel  as if i ask for too much when majority of the time i don't ask for enough.Although I like material things I only demand one specific thing. Time. Life is not about increasing it's speed or rushing through things.I am more than willing to work with those who do not think they have time to give. i was once a girl who worked her life away. but one day recently, i realized that if i worked too much, i wouldn't be able to live my life. i wouldn't be able to enjoy the better things in life such as  a relationship, something i always mention on my list of desires. so what did i do? i resigned from one of my three jobs for more time. but, as we all know, things do not always go as planned. its like having the perfect rose but no one to bless with it. but instead of a rose, i have my heart to give. Jason Reynolds, last Thursdays feature at Mocha Hut, said "it is our imperfections that turns into blessings". well, I'm
 still waiting on that blessing. be it. I wish i could read your mind so i could know what you're thinking when we kiss, when we talk, when we hug, and when we make love.  i refuse to lower my standards but i am willing to adjust them for you. i will work around your schedule just as long as you promise to treat me how i deserve to be treated. at this point in time, i am confused. how can i be happy and sad at the same time? how can i stop the wind from blowing in the wrong direction? My good friend Chineyeze mailed two letters to me that made me feel like one of the greatest friends in the world. The way he speaks gives me life when i feel like I'm dying from pain and confusion inside. thanks. now back to you. i will never be sorry, but i apologize if i ever make you feel like you are not trying. i understand you situation, but you have to understand mines too, in order for this to work. i have almost everything i want right now. i believe that you would be a great way to start off a new year.
you are my new years resolution


lol look what i got today from this guy at my job.
i think he's serious
and not to mention the girl who tried to spit game at me yesterday
i walk alone.
had ME in tears
and i don't cry off of no tv show


"i see sounds"



Recently, I have been thinking a lot about one particular topic. I need clarification. Why do people want to be hoes and why do other people want to fuck them? [notice the correction] Lol Point blank period. Before I start, let me say that this blog post is not directed towards anyone in particular, although I do believe many of you readers can relate to some of my thoughts.
Blog post inspired by my homies
Hey guys! lol Hoes, sluts, rollers, tramps, skanks, whores, slores…. lol they're all the same thing. They are girls [guys too] who provide a service for their community as well as other communities by sleeping with everyone and anyone. She will give him a sympathy suck and fuck either because someone asked her to, for attention, to ruin someone’s relationship, or she because just simply has the urge to suck and fuck someone she knows. Majority of the time, these people have tormenting childhood memories that they try to cover up by having sexual intercourse with anyone when in reality, they're only making things worse for themselves by creating a negative reputation. “One girl is my jump off, one girl is my wife” –Ray J Now, what I can’t seem to understand is why a guy would want to involve himself with a girl like that? Is it because “she’s a very freaky girl” and she’s easy? Do rollers have a top secret special type of pussy that we “regular" girls aren’t aware of? Lol or are you just desperate enough to fuck tramps because they’re probably the only girls who will "stoop” to your level? And for you cheaters out there, does you girlfriend not satisfy you the way a whore would? Does she not let you, let’s say, tea bag her? Hahahaha! Naw, but man I just don’t get it. What if “says she's 3 months pregnant and she's keepin' it”? Then what? Your baby will be the product of a slut. Ugh! “Suck and Fuck baby”, batteries sold separately like shit. Lls “Just give me a bad hoe and a plate of salmon” -Jadakiss
I mean, most of us have encountered at least one or two moments where we’ve had relations with someone who we weren’t in a relationship with but since this is my blog, i’ll speak for myself. The guy I had relations with was a good friend of mines and we weren’t involved physically or emotionally with anyone else. There are many differences from what I did and what a hoe would do. A hoe would do him and his brother…. in the same day, just in different rooms. She would most likely be fucking more than two guys around the same time just because. Smh. in this crazy woorld! “A lot of hoes give me their numbers but I never call” – Polow Da Don
Okay, fine. Go out and have your little fun. But don’t be a statistic. Be one less, no matter how good she looks. Just because she may appear clean on the outside doesn’t mean she’s all clean and tidy on the inside, dig me? It's the same with girls! Don't go out and have sex with a man whore and expect him to make you his number one. To him, you are no different from the other list of girls he's been with. And dont be surprised if your little sister says she was with him the night prior to your night with him. lol Be independent but don't be selfish. You never know who you can affect when you make such a big decision like fucking a slut. I think people need to stop and think about the longevity of the situation. I mean, consider the factors. The many diseases out here, tormented reputations, one’s self respect, drama, beef, and sometimes death. Why would you want to risk all of those things just for momentary satisfaction? “Stop the violence, increase the peace”. I thought that was the world’s motto? Ron, this is another example of my previous post you couldn’t comprehend, “What if silence was the violence”. If we keep quiet about these issues, it will eventually turn to violence. “Don’t mess wit my man, cause imma be the one to bring it to ya” -Nivea
i hope you enjoyed my thoughts and opinions.
now respond!

To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity:

i got this in a email.
i thougt it was pretty funny.
shout outs to my girl Lateshia! lol -At lunch time, sit in your parked car wit sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars... see if they slow down. -Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice!
-Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
-Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks . Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
-In the memo field of all your checks, write "for Marijuana".
-Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.
-Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
-Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.
-Sing along at the Opera.
-Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.
-When the money comes out the ATM, scream 'I won ! I won!'
-When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling 'Run for your lives! They're loose!'
-Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.'
And the final way to keep a healthy level of Insanity....
-Pick up a box of comdoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter, and ask where the fitting rooms are.


the title of this post has NOTHING to do with this post.
i just thought it was funny.
lets laugh a little.
what kind of rumors have you heard about yourself.
perfect [hillarious] definitions found at
i heard i was boojee
Derived from the french word Bourgeois. Refers to a person who acts stuck up.
i heard i was conceited
Excessively high opinion of one's self or ability
and the most recent, i heard i was a fuckin roller!
A hoe or a slut, mostly used in the D.C. are for a girl who is a REAL freak.
i must admit, i was pissed.
so yes.
i told that bitch to pipe the fuck down.
and she did.
she giving me discounts and all.
and for the record.
i am none of the above.
-Droopy the Broke Baller


"it's that little glimpse of light that makes a diamond really shine"


you see me right?
this is me. happy...
i compete for no one.
not even you.


Blogspot becomes the new myspace???
just a thought...


Sandra this picture means a lot to me.
thanks.. i love you!
[photo credit to Sandra G.]
i swear, blood couldn't make us any closer.
check out her blog:


Someone will always be prettier. Someone will always be smarter.
fuck that! let it go! love you and your circumstances.
Think about it...
the prettiest woman can actually have hell in her heart.
the most popular woman may be unable to have children.
the richest woman you know might be lonely as a muthafucka.
[please excuse my language]

love who you are

I am too Blessed to be Stressed
too Anointed to be Disappointed!!


"How do you continue going up hill when you're scared stuck in that one spot because of previous accidents. Do you brainstorm different routes? Do you turn around and just give up?Or do you overcome your fears independetly? "
I answered my own question on Saturday yet its still hard for me to follow. don't you hate that shit. you know what you should do but you can't seem to do it right then and there. ugh! i have been so eager to go there all summer and now that i finally have the opportunity to, im scared to go. i keep thinking "what if?" at some point in time, everyone wonders "what if'... but to what extent? where is the breaking point when you just say fuck it!?!? i am putting an excessive amount of thought into this when actually, little thought is necessary. i just want to be happy. plain and simple. and if going to, lets say Haawii [hehe], makes me happy, then im going to fucking go.
the end.

 money is my ambition.
"if your heart is open, love will find its way in..."


so i was browsing blogs
on this sicky ass day when i came across this post.


so i went outside to take the trash out...
with wet hair. in the cold weather.
now look at my ass.


everyone has their blonde moments.


Saturday morning, around 9am, i went to the library with Eden and Talia. we became members of the library and each recieved our library cards to get books. I picked up two wonderful books. One of the books I picked up deals with bartending. I forgot the name and author of the book and i left it at home.. so i won't mention it. lol Anywho, bartending is something i am super interested in along with all the other adventerous things i want to learn. It discusses different types of liqueurs, volumes, mixing drinks, rims, decorations, bartending tools, and so much more! lol i sound like a fuckin commercial girl. man one day, once i master this shit, i will have a lil dinner party, drinks made and served by Tanae.
On a more educational side, the other book i picked up, entitled Hypnotic Writing by Joe Vitale, is about "reading or writing that will make you feel so relaxed that your mind, especially your subconsious, is more receptive to commands". Meaning, reading or writing something clear and precise that will be so effective that you can't resist it. Im only at the beginning of the book but so far its really an amazing book. Is more of a "this is how you can" type of book, rather than "how to" type of book.... dig me? Its more persusavive than instructional. It discusses similes, quotes, commands, language use, lengths, and spacing. No, no, no. its not a english class all over again, its a brilliant fuckin piece of communication. 
p.s. its funny how the tables can turn so suddenly. 


so. i have been working my ass of for the past two weeks and man has it been hard. I have so much shit to talk about. so, here i go.
Yes, I have 3 jobs. The Library of Congress[the Madison building pictured above] as an librarian technician, Up Against the Wall as an sales associate/cashier, and Phyllis J. Outlaw & Associates [law firm] as an Administrative Assistant. Sheeesh! Sandra is working 2 jobs too.. these ladies are grinding! 
At work, i can listen to my ipod all day since i work in a quiet environment. My ipod is old, really old [lol ask Ron]. So, although i charge it over night, it goes dead within an hour. so i am forced to listen to it that last hour before I get off work... around 3ish. blower!!! 
i really love this picture!!!
[credit to Wanthy]

Grinding means money, so i purchased a dress to wear on Halloween. Sandra, Mika, and I went to The Mai Thai Lounge. It was pretty chill, and yes we danced. My boy Twon got me a drink, and so did the little Indian guy who was goosin me. "Are you supposed to be Keri Washington or someone?" That was a lame way to spark a conversation sir. lol

I waved goodbye to him after letting him know that i didn't feel the "spark" when we met in person that day. Hope you understand babe. You're a really good friend.. and you have a sexy voice. lol OH! I finally decided to "man up" and tell HIM that I was really feelin him and not his buddy. He was shocked, and seemed happy to know that it was him. my question is, whats next sir?

This may be a lame picture but... yes babes! i remember that time. lol.  Since it was your bday weekend, you're stuck to remember. lol I shall visit one day....





if you don't have anything nice to say don't comment at all

thank you.

this post was borrowed from Gabby's blog


Monday I start my new job at The Library of Congress as a Librarian Technician. I also work at Up Against the Wall again starting Monday The days I don't work at Up Against the Wall, I'll be at the law firm training people which means, i got 3 jobs shit man.
will I have a social life???
fuck yes.


okay so those little things are getting to me.
i have been emotional.
i see what you mean when you say
im nice one minute, goofy another, then im mean
"a bitch"
as for my proposition regarding this matter:
>>please don't shoot me down<<
i will absolve you for almost whatever actions
forgive me if i have been acting
forgive me if i have been
thats not who i am and i fancy you will see that
everyone has a breaking point
& everyone has "those days"
or in my case those weeks.
pardon me
i am responsible for my own actions
so i wont blame him, her, or that


"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges"
"Forgiveness means that you've decided not to let it keep festering inside of you"
"Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. The weak can never forgive"
"Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you"


"Could they be the new faces of Hip-Hop???"
I have been listening to Asher Roth & Charles Hamilton a lot.
they are the bomb!
Now, imma check out Mickey Factz.


I listen to...
Amy Winehouse
Lilly Allen
Cody hestnutt
Lupe Fiasco
Young Jeezy
Ryan Leslie
Christina A.
Charles Hamilton
Kanye West
Janelle Monae
Colbie Caillat
Gwen Stefani
Natashia Bedingfield
Justin Nozuka
Lil Wayne
Corrine Bailey Rae
Kirk Franklyn
Jay Z
Chrisette Michelle
Danity Kane
Nina Sky
Dorothy Dandridge
I just started listening to...
Asher Roth
Minus the Bear
good day.


my ipod is in my ears and im not looking at anyone yet becasue i accidently made brief eye contact with the go go guy sitting accross from me, he makes his move feeling confident that the "look" i gave him mean't "hey baby. im single".
the guy freaking the three skeets behind me slams his penis onto my butt cheeks while wrapping hands around my waist. i guess that was his way of saying "you gonna come home with me tonight along with them skeets behind me?" without sayin anything at all.
the dude with the too big high top dunks and skinny skinnier skinniest skinny jeans walks right beside me as if we are "together". when i finally decided to be nice and acknowledge his unwanted presence, he looks me up and down, and says "how you doin sweetheart?". then licks his lips. twice.ADDING TO THE WHITE RING.
the UPS, FED Ex, and DHL men are all in their mid 30s, i suppose. They deliver at my office around the same time in the same order three times a week. Which means, I either get a "Hey lil lady, you are so pretty", a "Can I take out out to lunch sometime?", a "Where is your boyfriend?", and/or a "While your signing your name, write you number down with that".
these are NOT ways to approach a lady.
its nice that you try.. but its not worth trying like this.
so lets get it together guys.
guys, humor me with the ways ladies approach you...


Jaime Aquino had a photoshoot with Sandras brother... at a MoCo park. lol. i almost forgot how fun and relaxing parks are....
i took these with me camera phone. the sight was amazing...
Oh! and Aya was home!!!
p.s. i sent you some mail sir.


"you don't have to believe everything you think"
think about it.


i am cautiously moderate at times.
i like the traditional ways of doing things.
i have self respect. speaking of self respect...
i wonder who named that dance "pop the coochie".. and i wonder why.
these comments are so off subject but...
there was a time in my life where i kissed a girl... and i DID NOT like it.
i miss some old friendships. i my friend.
i met a guy Saturday. and man oh man! thanks Sandra.
i fucking love cranberry muffins with a organic pomegranate juice.
i have 125mins to use in the next 4days since verizon doesn't have rollover.


he pointed this way during our date....


call me crazy but...
i would so get this shit done...
its a pretty bold move....
but i could do it.
now this shit...


"When is your breaking point?"
-Pastor Mike


im getting sick of all this talk about "love". i love to be loved but... is it even real anymore? think about it. for most of us, it seems that the ones who you want love from the most, gives it to you the least. and when they do give in, most of the time, the love is untrue and impossible to grip. i know we all grow and things don't always stay the same but what in gods name happened to the old fashioned way of making things work? not only am i referring to intimate relationships, im also referring to friendships. is it that damn hard to stay committed? is it that damn hard to be sincere and let someone know whats concrete and whats not?
these are my thoughts.
"love may be absent from life for some, but happiness will never be, because only you can truly make yourself happy"


i claim a stance in non violence and peace
"i am not a fighter but i will defend myself at all times"
i claim a stance in love and happiness
"i adore being happy and making others happy"
i claim a stance education and awareness
"intelligence is pure excellence, ignorance is unacceptable"
i claim a stance trust and honesty
"friendship is honest and true"


is life measured by the people we love?
or by our accomplishments?
what if we fail?
and what if we are never truly loved?
what then?
will we ever measure up?


if "love" is a powerful word,
how powerful is "like"?
it's pretty fucking powerful.
careful how you use it.
i had a fair weekend.
minus Saturday night.
[not so fun]
no more drinking. for a long time.
"your good deeds erases you bad deeds"
even if your good deeds are for yourself.
today marks 36 days.
im not counting on purpose..
i just remember dates well
"intelligence is pure excellence"


i forgive that you forgot to remember me


i have an interview at the Library of Congress tomorrow
i have to pretend to be sick at work today
so i can have a good excuse as to why i will be late tomorrow
do i look sick enough....?
on a different subject
that asshole asked me for money for Friday
i told her no because she needs to learn how to save her money
and do you know what she did?
she stole it from me
i noticed money missing from my lil piggy bank joint this morning
bills, not change
how did i respond you ask?
no i didn't rip up any of her shit
or pour bleach on it like i normally would [yes it gets that serious]
well, let's just say
i'm the ONLY person who has the key to that lock on our door
goog day.


"have you ever touched happiness?"


this song is something serious.
by Jazmine Sullivan
read the lyrics....
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears, oh my
But I'm scared of loving you
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair, that's right
But I'm scared of loving you
Am I the only one who thinks an impossible task?
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love, when Love seems to hate us?
Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom
You say you care and I know you do
But this is from my experience
And my conclusion only makes sense
Just cause I love u and u love me,
It doesn't mean that that we're meant to be,
I can climb mountains, swim cross the seas,
But the most frightening thing is you & me!
Most circumstances I know my fate
But in this love thing I don't get the game
Why does it feel like those who give in,
They only wind up losing a friend?
Just cause I love u and u love me,
It doesn't mean that that we'll ever be,
Fly cross the ocean, sing for the Queen,
But the most frightening thing is you & me!
I'm not sure no, I'm not sure
But if we never try we'll never know
It's better to have loved than not to love at all
But trying is worst than to stumble and fall
And if what we do? I'd rather it be with you
Cause at least there will be Sweet memories


goodbye summer
[taken & edited bye me ]



My desire is to succeed...

thoughts of future engagements weigh heavily on my mind

day and night.

it's a tad bit hard to sleep.

i am so inspired so I must focus.

no room for stress right now and certianly no room for games.

i am driven by words spoken.
so i must work hard and get things accompolished.
by the way
have you noticed the sky lately...

[taken with my cell phone. lol]