is it stupid for me to sometimes wish i had the heart of an asshole? i mean, they seem to find it easy not to care about other peoples feelings. so why should i? why do i have to be the girl who tries her best  to make everyone happy, especially the people she loves the most? why does it feel  as if i ask for too much when majority of the time i don't ask for enough.Although I like material things I only demand one specific thing. Time. Life is not about increasing it's speed or rushing through things.I am more than willing to work with those who do not think they have time to give. i was once a girl who worked her life away. but one day recently, i realized that if i worked too much, i wouldn't be able to live my life. i wouldn't be able to enjoy the better things in life such as  a relationship, something i always mention on my list of desires. so what did i do? i resigned from one of my three jobs for more time. but, as we all know, things do not always go as planned. its like having the perfect rose but no one to bless with it. but instead of a rose, i have my heart to give. Jason Reynolds, last Thursdays feature at Mocha Hut, said "it is our imperfections that turns into blessings". well, I'm
 still waiting on that blessing. be it. I wish i could read your mind so i could know what you're thinking when we kiss, when we talk, when we hug, and when we make love.  i refuse to lower my standards but i am willing to adjust them for you. i will work around your schedule just as long as you promise to treat me how i deserve to be treated. at this point in time, i am confused. how can i be happy and sad at the same time? how can i stop the wind from blowing in the wrong direction? My good friend Chineyeze mailed two letters to me that made me feel like one of the greatest friends in the world. The way he speaks gives me life when i feel like I'm dying from pain and confusion inside. thanks. now back to you. i will never be sorry, but i apologize if i ever make you feel like you are not trying. i understand you situation, but you have to understand mines too, in order for this to work. i have almost everything i want right now. i believe that you would be a great way to start off a new year.
you are my new years resolution


Mika said...

aaw that was great nae.. which job got let go? and i feel everything will work out for the best. Love u

Lyriciss Flowz said...

the best way to deal with life...honestly...is NOT to think so much. take it from a person that is clinically diagnosed with depression...you gotta live and let God. only recently did i learn to not worry and overthink things so much, and it's made me a better man for it. as far as relationships, it's the same thing...less mental, more instinct. go with the heart. either way, you ever need someone to talk to, holla at me. i'm always using the BlackBerry anyway...might as well help/entertain someone with it if possible lol.

Peace & Hip-Hop

Sandra G. said...

I feel the exact same way as you... well in the beginning. I guess I'm a girl her works her life away as well...But I like it that way =]
I don't have someone to think about, so I guess work fills that void in my mind =]
Everything is going to be ok my lady. Promise.

NOOM!! said...

Ole Nae, I believe everythings going to workout fine for you, but you can't be happy and sad at the sametime. Give it a lil time (you know how us men are)Its prolly not that he's not trying, he prolly awaits more time for his boundaries to be measured to make a befitting relationship between you two. Allow him to get his mind registered. May the peace be aboard your patience, and may your new years resolution be granted. Happy Holidays sweetzz
It'll be OK...

Nae Nae said...

Mika- i quit the law firm

Lyriciss- thanks o much babes. "less mental, more instinct. go with the heart..." i realy needed to hear that.

Sandra- yeah i know everything will be okay, with or without _______. lol thanks mamma!

Dre- awwwwwwww thanks Dre! you just made me feel 100x better. you're an amazing friend. love you!

Lysha B. said...

greeat post.
i dig tho..
sacrificing your own desires to accomodate those of other ppl.
man i got stories for days about that! lol.

one thing i learned though is communication is the bridge that connects to seemingly differing points.
whole time..he mite feel the exact same way u do..


L. Bee

G*Two said...

Having the heart of an asshole is over rated. Ppl hold you to it and expect you to behave a certain way all the time. So even when your being genuine or tryna be nice, they take it the completely opposite way.